The first time I read Toni Morrison’s The Bluest Eye, was in high school. I didn’t fully understand it but I knew it was profound. I came back to it again in college with a little more understanding after studying metaphors in poetry. I knew this book was for black girls like me who had struggled with being dark. Who had struggled with not being what society defined as beautiful.
I read Toni Morrison’s Song of Solomon, for the first time in high school as well. It was a book I constantly reread in college. Picking at it. Dissecting it. Googling others responses to it. If anything Toni Morrison’s writing has intrigued me for years.
When I learned of her death it felt like I’d lost a friend. Because I’m away her words her books had been my friends. They had taken root in my mind for years coming back to its forefront again and again. At first I wasn’t sure what to feel (reasons why this tribute is weeks after her death) I hadn’t revisited her words since having my daughter (I haven’t done much reading honestly in years which is a shame seeing how in high school books were my closest friends) in her passing I realized I’m in a new stage in my life – and I haven’t read a Toni Morrison book or reread one for new meaning and lessons. I felt like I’d betrayed her. I felt like I’d betrayed myself for not continuing to read her words when they’d done so much for me.
I made a silent vow to start rebuying her books (I’ve since lost both my high school copies from constant moving). To start rereading her words. To help keep her legacy alive.
Thank you Toni Morrison, the woman in me thanks you. The dark skinned woman in me thanks you. The mother in me thanks you. The writer in me thanks you. The reader in me thanks you. The student in me thanks you.
My hope is that my own words will touch as many as yours have one day.
My birthday was last month and the freebie for it from Sephora was two Drunk Elephant minis. This is a brand that I was continuously seeing on social media and YouTube and even my best friend had splurged on their T.L.C Sakuri Babyfacial product. I had seen so many people raving about the skincare line how it had given them the best skin of their lives and I too wanted to try it. However, if you’re unfamiliar with this skincare brand (and if you’re into skincare you probably aren’t) then you know these are not drugstore priced products. And I just couldn’t rationalize spending $60 on one product when I could spend that same amount on three products. Or an outfit or a new toy and an outfit for my three year old daughter. It just wasn’t in my budget and part of me being a responsible adult. So, when I saw that it was a mini for my month I felt like it was fate and jumped on the chance to finally try the brand out.
What came in the birthday mini box was the Protini Polypeptide Cream and the Beste No. 9 Jelly Cleanser.
The Jelly Cleanser with cantaloupe glycerin honestly changed my life and mind about cleansers. I’m not gonna lie in my life of 27 years most of the cleansers I’ve used have been drugstore ones that were harsh and left my skin feeling dry. This is not that. Even after cleansing my skin didn’t feel dry but it did feel clean. I use the 60 second method and rub the cleanser for atleast 60 seconds into my skin paying close attention to my problem areas.
Besides the product being a game changer the packaging is really smart with a twist on and off top that keeps the jelly in the tube. I also got a months use out of this mini and was pleasantly surprised by this. I do plan on buying a full size of this next month. Plus the cleanser isn’t sticky like I find almost cleansers being. I can kinda be weird about textures so this cleanser is a good one if texture in skincare products is important to you. The jelly isn’t as expensive as some of their other products so I think I can swing it into my budget. It’s retailed at $32 at Sephora.
The cream which is a really light feeling but rich moisturizer. This product I used all of twice before I realized this is not something I need to use in this hot humid Atlanta weather. When I used it I instantly started sweating so I’m waiting to use it once the seasons change and am looking forward to the benefits. I’ve never really used a moisturizer and having one makes me feel even more like I care about my skin. I usually use almond oil or rose hip oil as my moisturizer but I know a cream will have many benefits in the fall/winter months.
Overall I would recommend Drunk Elephant to both my mom, sister, friends and my little cousins who don’t even have age concerns yet. The packaging the ingredients everything about this brand makes me want to give them my coins even on a budget.
There’s been a lot of abortion talk the past couple days cause of these ridiculous heartbeat bills being passed at the state level. I don’t wanna preach about my views on the issue cause it shouldn’t even be an issue. However, I wanted to say my little piece about it and post some information some sites on abortions post my favorite internet things I’ve seen on the issue and that’s it.
So I like some women have a personal experience with abortion and a lot of this talk has brought up feelings and things I thought I had dealt with but I’ve been pretty angry and moody the past couple days and some of it I can say has come from all the abortion talk – which let me set the record straight I am so happy so many people are speaking up and sharing stories on the issue. There was a time right after I had an abortion where I felt immense shame for it like I had committed some unspeakable sin that I had to hide from people. But the experience like most experiences had an affect on me and it’s human nature to want to share things that change or you struggle with. The shame came from growing up Christian and if I still believed in Christianity like I used to my shame would probably still be here.
When I had my abortion I remember there was a woman sitting next to me where you wait in the hallway for your turn. You’ve been given pain medication already so your drugged up waiting in a hallway with other women who are all about to also have abortions. And I remember I was cold. Like shaking cold and the woman next to me asked a nurse if I could have a blanket. She then asked me if I had any kids I was 22 at the time and I know I looked younger than that when I said no she realized it was my first pregnancy. And she told me she was a mother of 2 but did not want another child nor could financially support a 3rd child. And I remember thinking this is a narrative I had never considered. I was just 22 and scared to have a baby.
The thing about abortion is that there’s all this stigma around it. There’s all this feeling and opinion and what is moral what is right or wrong. That women have abortions at a young age cause they’ve fucked up. Or that only poor women have abortions or only ethnic women have abortions. Whatever the case is what you’ve heard about abortions what you’ve thought about women who get abortions look like it’s probably false. Mothers have abortions, young girls have abortions, couples in love have abortions, older women have abortions, white women have abortions. Every type of woman has abortions.
I read this excerpt on ig earlier today about how the words pro-choice aren’t even really what people need to be using. It’s not about having the right to chose it’s about just having the right. It’s like just having access that’s it. It’s not about my body. It’s not about a heartbeat. It’s not about politics. It’s not about feelings. It’s not about religion. Abortion is a right. It’s not a choice. It’s a fucking right.
The first photo is a caption from @voluptouswitch on ig.
The Sexual Mother.
I’ve never been prude about sex or about the number of lovers I’ve had anything. I think it’s important for women to experience as much or as little as they want. But sensual energy is very important to my being. Finding what gives your body pleasure and what doesn’t it’s like opening a whole field of the women’s psyche.
As a mother I know society would rather have moms be domestic. Subservient to the father or male counterpart of the relationship. That the mother should be not too loud not too much.
Especially mothers of girls. It’s like now all of a sudden I am no longer an individual person but only a mother and a mother that needs to act a certain way about sex and sensuality so that my daughter doesn’t pick up on bad habits. That I need to dress a certain way to be respected and taken seriously.
But why does sex have to be a bad habit? My daughters 3 and I’m not at yet in the area of needing to explain matters to her about sex or educate her. However, I’ve thought of her being a teenager and I know already I’m not at all going to be restrictive. I’m not going to act like sex isn’t a thing. I’m not going to tell her she can’t have sex until marriage. It’s not my decision to make about her body. Just like it’s not anyone’s decision to tell a women after giving birth how she should behave.
There are plenty of women who are mothers breaking stereotypes saying they can be still be sexual beings. Amber Rose being the one that mainly comes to mind with her annual Slut Walk campaign. But if I got a dollar for each time I get into an argument with a man about how her walk is enlightening and they instead think she’s just allowing women to be “hoes” without shame or guilt I’d be a millionaire.
The double standard between men and women and acts of sex is so profound it’s a subject I never think will ever be completely healed. Patriarchy killed the sexual woman. It put her into a little nest box that said virginity is the utmost respectful thing you can give a man – that virginity is a gift. That having a low body count means you respect yourself that you respect your body.
I was raised in a Christian household but from an early age I knew that these certain expectations weren’t for me. Why can’t my body be both a temple and mine to make decisions for? Where did the discord happen that women shouldn’t have autonomy over their own bodies?
Is sex really so bad? Or does the notion of a woman being confident in her body and wanting pleasure that offends people into thinking a mother cannot be but one thing.
What are your thoughts?
This months playlist is all my favs from this year. So, it’s some older 2018 songs and some that just came out that I’ve had on repeat.
Can’t believe it’s December again already. And in 28 days it’ll be a new year. What are some goals or intentions you want to focus on for the new year?
I’m writing, planning and setting my intentions this week. And might have a post on intention setting and manifesting some point in this month.
Hope everyone has a purposeful and eye opening last month of 2018!
here’s a video of me listening to Summer Walker’s “Smartwater” if you don’t listen to her you should!
Friendships are important. Some might even say more important than family. Friendships are people that you choose, you share with, you trust. And what better way to celebrate friendships than having a Friendsgiving chilling with your friends, eating, and showing them how much you appreciate them. Thanksgiving is about giving thanks. Bring grateful. Being appreciative. And just like we are grateful for family we should also be grateful for friendships. Since last year my closest friend has been hosting a vegan Friendsgiving at her house. Last year I brought Sage to the Friendsgiving and oddly I have no pictures from it – but this year I just wanted to hang out with my friends and have a rare but needed time off from mom duties.
I bought a vegan cherry pie from Whole Foods because I had to work all weekend and was being lazy and didn’t want to bake/cook anything. It was really good but next year I’ll probably suck it up and just make something because it was $15. There was vegan or seitan fried “chicken” cheesy vegan scalloped potato’s, vegan macaroni and cheese, and a cucumber- onion-tomato salad. I’ve had cashew cheese macaroni before and it was so rich and filling but so good. I may never do macaroni another way now. And the cucumber salad was very needed because everything else was heavy.
We played uno and jenga. My friends boyfriend has a studio in their house where he makes beats and we attempted (and I use this loosely) to make a beat. We watched big mouth, drank wine. And talked.
I ate my leftovers Sunday morning before I went to work and they were even better than I remembered! I left the macaroni for Sage to eat so hopefully she likes it as much as I did cause that’s how I’ll be making it from now on.
I’m an anti social person I like my me time and my own space more than others. I also can feed off others energy really easily and I get anxiety / stress from situations that can go “bad”. The people I do like to engage with I love them. They are very close and very important to me so Friendsgiving is easily one of my favorite social outings of the year. I like eating, drinking, and being with my friends.
If you’re like me and most of your family lives in a different state or if you have to work on thanksgiving having a Friendsgiving another day than on the actual holiday can allow you to experience the feeling of thanksgiving and celebrate. Everyone needs someone get in the spirit of celebrating who is there and shows up for you.
If you don’t have a Friendsgiving tradition I say start one! Even this year it’s not too late yet!