The Sexual Mother.
I’ve never been prude about sex or about the number of lovers I’ve had anything. I think it’s important for women to experience as much or as little as they want. But sensual energy is very important to my being. Finding what gives your body pleasure and what doesn’t it’s like opening a whole field of the women’s psyche.
As a mother I know society would rather have moms be domestic. Subservient to the father or male counterpart of the relationship. That the mother should be not too loud not too much.
Especially mothers of girls. It’s like now all of a sudden I am no longer an individual person but only a mother and a mother that needs to act a certain way about sex and sensuality so that my daughter doesn’t pick up on bad habits. That I need to dress a certain way to be respected and taken seriously.
But why does sex have to be a bad habit? My daughters 3 and I’m not at yet in the area of needing to explain matters to her about sex or educate her. However, I’ve thought of her being a teenager and I know already I’m not at all going to be restrictive. I’m not going to act like sex isn’t a thing. I’m not going to tell her she can’t have sex until marriage. It’s not my decision to make about her body. Just like it’s not anyone’s decision to tell a women after giving birth how she should behave.
There are plenty of women who are mothers breaking stereotypes saying they can be still be sexual beings. Amber Rose being the one that mainly comes to mind with her annual Slut Walk campaign. But if I got a dollar for each time I get into an argument with a man about how her walk is enlightening and they instead think she’s just allowing women to be “hoes” without shame or guilt I’d be a millionaire.
The double standard between men and women and acts of sex is so profound it’s a subject I never think will ever be completely healed. Patriarchy killed the sexual woman. It put her into a little nest box that said virginity is the utmost respectful thing you can give a man – that virginity is a gift. That having a low body count means you respect yourself that you respect your body.
I was raised in a Christian household but from an early age I knew that these certain expectations weren’t for me. Why can’t my body be both a temple and mine to make decisions for? Where did the discord happen that women shouldn’t have autonomy over their own bodies?
Is sex really so bad? Or does the notion of a woman being confident in her body and wanting pleasure that offends people into thinking a mother cannot be but one thing.
What are your thoughts?
I’ve never had difficult skin and in the past two years the little problems I had I cleared up from being vegan, drinking enough water, and dry brushing. I get comments all the time on how smooth and soft my skin is and I know these 3 things are what help me maintain smooth skin. I know a diet change is a big thing and drinking water doesn’t solve everything so that leaves dry brushing a small self-care practice that everyone can do. I started dry brushing during my pregnancy but wasn’t very consistent with it. I dry brush every day now before I shower. I know people do it after a shower then apply oil but I find doing it before my shower more helpful for me. And I do apply oil after I shower. I usually use almond oil but any oil with skin benefits can be used.
I bought my dry brush from target I don’t remember how much it was but I know it was less than $15 cause I’m cheap. It works perfectly fine so don’t think you need an expensive dry brush to get smooth soft skin. You only need a natural bristle brush. I do recommend however that you have a separate dry brush for your face that’s just my preference my skin on my face is really sensitive and I just don’t want to mix the two. (I never use the same face cloth for my face and body too).
Dry Brushing is beneficial for a number of reasons. It exfoliates your skin while giving it a massage. You’re supposed to dry brush slowly in circular motions. And you are only supposed to do it 3 times a week according to some people but I’m not good at routines that aren’t everyday so I do it every night.
I do wash or clean my brush once a week with Dr.Bronners baby castille soap just to get rid of dead skin and whatever might be on the bristles.
Benefits of dry brushing:
Results in smoother brighter skin
- stimulates nervous system
- Increases blood circulation
- It is said but not proved to help with cellulite and aid in digestion
I personally noticed how much smoother my skin is when I consistently dry brush. Also my skin seems brighter. And I just feel better because I’m going the extra mile taking care of my skin and my body.
The firmness of the bristles from a natural brush don’t hurt or bother my sensitive skin but I’ve seen some people say it bothers theirs so keep this in mind if your skin is really sensitive. Make sure that you do moisturize after your shower because dry brushing can lead to dry skin.
What do you do that’s a self-care indulgent but simple routine? Let me know and let me know if you have any questions about dry brushing or if you try it.
Here’s a video of me demonstrating slow circular motions when dry brushing. Doing my whole body does usually take 7-10 minutes but you don’t have to go as slow.
Not going to lie my patience sometimes is at 0 with my daughter. As a single working mom I’m stressed more than I’d like to be. This of course causes me to be less patient with my high strung toddler and tense. Here’s 3 Ways I destress and find a lil selfcare for myself throughout the day.
And I’m not talking about yoga as an exercise. I’ve learned quite a few poses over the years (when it was an exercise for me) and in the morning I sometimes put on nature or meditation music and just allow myself to sit and flow from pose to pose for however long I feel. Being aware of my breaths. And getting out of my head a little.
I’ve always had this weird gravitational pull to water (I’m not a water sign so this is why I say weird). Water calms me all the way down. And if my daughters particularly intense one day I will either make her take a midday bath or I’ll take one myself for some me time or we’ll take one together if we both need to chill out. For some extra relaxation I sometimes add epsom salt and oils to the bath too.
3. Listening to Music
When my daughter was a newborn I had a record player and one of the ways I’d get her out of a crying fit was to play records. I even had made a playlist called Sage’s Morning on my SoundCloud. Music chills me out cause it again gets me out of my head space. And for Sage she likes to dance so it keeps her occupied even if only for 5 minutes.
What are your tips for keeping cool and calm through the day with your toddlers? (or kids) let me know in the comments!
It’s my favorite month of the year, I love October. Halloween’s my favorite holiday. Falls my favorite season. I’m happy I’m feeling it. This playlist is probably the most “alternative” playlist I’ve made. Lots of “soft” rock. Some Jimi. Some 6lack. Some trap mixed in too. I definitely got into the Halloween spirit with Santana’s “black magic woman”. I’m so ready for Halloween. Sage wants to be Elisa *rolls eyes* but I’m excited to take her trick or treating. It’s the first year she vocally could say what she wanted to be. And I’m of course excited for Halloween parties I still dress up. There’s way more alcohol involved in my festivities though and I’m hype to say the least.
Anyways, hope y’all enjoy this playlist I know the songs won’t be everyone’s cup of tea. But it’s a-ok. I’m going to be jamming out to these songs all month long. 🎃
thinking of doing something different for November and posting my fav SoundCloud mix (or mixes) for y’all to listen to instead of making a playlist myself but I’ll be back with a playlist in December ♥️