The first time I read Toni Morrison’s The Bluest Eye, was in high school. I didn’t fully understand it but I knew it was profound. I came back to it again in college with a little more understanding after studying metaphors in poetry. I knew this book was for black girls like me who had struggled with being dark. Who had struggled with not being what society defined as beautiful.
I read Toni Morrison’s Song of Solomon, for the first time in high school as well. It was a book I constantly reread in college. Picking at it. Dissecting it. Googling others responses to it. If anything Toni Morrison’s writing has intrigued me for years.
When I learned of her death it felt like I’d lost a friend. Because I’m away her words her books had been my friends. They had taken root in my mind for years coming back to its forefront again and again. At first I wasn’t sure what to feel (reasons why this tribute is weeks after her death) I hadn’t revisited her words since having my daughter (I haven’t done much reading honestly in years which is a shame seeing how in high school books were my closest friends) in her passing I realized I’m in a new stage in my life – and I haven’t read a Toni Morrison book or reread one for new meaning and lessons. I felt like I’d betrayed her. I felt like I’d betrayed myself for not continuing to read her words when they’d done so much for me.
I made a silent vow to start rebuying her books (I’ve since lost both my high school copies from constant moving). To start rereading her words. To help keep her legacy alive.
Thank you Toni Morrison, the woman in me thanks you. The dark skinned woman in me thanks you. The mother in me thanks you. The writer in me thanks you. The reader in me thanks you. The student in me thanks you.
My hope is that my own words will touch as many as yours have one day.
“Gold” is the name for my August playlist thought it was fitting with Leo’s and gold and the sun and all. This visual I struggled with cause I feel like I’m in a weird space emotionally right now. But I like the final product. Movies are The Wood, House Party and The Best Man. Butterfly scene is off YouTube. I had fun with it when I wasn’t stuck thinking about what would fit with the song (Solange Stay Flo) and the overall theme of this playlist which when I started it was meant to be a fun chill playlist with more up tempo songs.
Do for love
Tupac made me a romantic. I remember staring at photographs of him in books and reading his letters and poems he wrote to multiple women while he was in jail. A boy in middle school gifted me his greatest hits album All through highschool and college he was the background on my phone. At 19 I wanted him to be my baby daddy. Daydreamed it was me and not Janet that he looked at in poetic justice. Had me wanting a man to write me love letters and poems and shit. Had me wanting a man going crazy over perfume sprayed paper. Now at 27 I realize he was writing love letters to multiple women in jail and it sounds less romantic.
Guess I like them wishy
real player like-
smooth as butter –
scotch between my teeth
type of men.
The ones that can talk ya into having a baby with them with no car no house and no money. Sleeping on your couch and eating your food. Tupac made me love golds and little hoop earrings. Made me love structured jawlines and dark skin. He made me a girl from the suburbs like them street like men with commitment issues and trust issues and momma issues. Had me wanting to save them all. To save all the Tupacs of the world from the world. Had me thinking I was superwoman with the strength of devotion. Yearning for spells and a mansion with rooms to hold them all. Captain save a – but call me captain save a man that don’t wanna be loved.
*** early early draft***
If you have feedback email me or comment anything is welcome as long as it’s respectful. ♥️
I’ve been debating on if I want to post full completed poems (what I would say are edited and completed) here on my blog or on my instagram. Because the goal is that I want to of course write volumes of poetry and publish them and get people to buy them. I know of course I would need people to get interested in my work first and to do that they’d need to read my work. So, I am going to start posting more poetry here on my blog in hopes that it will get my name out there and get people in the creative writing community interested.
July’s playlist visual is ready. I definitely had themes I was trying to explore with this playlist like life & death. And birth and betrayal and friendships and relationships. And just the ups and downs of life but how it’s all so beautiful (I know lol) but that’s just how I’ve been feeling lately.
Most of the scenes in this visual are from Love Jones there’s a small scene from Juice and also a video from YouTube.
Also here’s the link for July’s playlist on Spotify: Wind