The Sexual Mother.
I’ve never been prude about sex or about the number of lovers I’ve had anything. I think it’s important for women to experience as much or as little as they want. But sensual energy is very important to my being. Finding what gives your body pleasure and what doesn’t it’s like opening a whole field of the women’s psyche.
As a mother I know society would rather have moms be domestic. Subservient to the father or male counterpart of the relationship. That the mother should be not too loud not too much.
Especially mothers of girls. It’s like now all of a sudden I am no longer an individual person but only a mother and a mother that needs to act a certain way about sex and sensuality so that my daughter doesn’t pick up on bad habits. That I need to dress a certain way to be respected and taken seriously.
But why does sex have to be a bad habit? My daughters 3 and I’m not at yet in the area of needing to explain matters to her about sex or educate her. However, I’ve thought of her being a teenager and I know already I’m not at all going to be restrictive. I’m not going to act like sex isn’t a thing. I’m not going to tell her she can’t have sex until marriage. It’s not my decision to make about her body. Just like it’s not anyone’s decision to tell a women after giving birth how she should behave.
There are plenty of women who are mothers breaking stereotypes saying they can be still be sexual beings. Amber Rose being the one that mainly comes to mind with her annual Slut Walk campaign. But if I got a dollar for each time I get into an argument with a man about how her walk is enlightening and they instead think she’s just allowing women to be “hoes” without shame or guilt I’d be a millionaire.
The double standard between men and women and acts of sex is so profound it’s a subject I never think will ever be completely healed. Patriarchy killed the sexual woman. It put her into a little nest box that said virginity is the utmost respectful thing you can give a man – that virginity is a gift. That having a low body count means you respect yourself that you respect your body.
I was raised in a Christian household but from an early age I knew that these certain expectations weren’t for me. Why can’t my body be both a temple and mine to make decisions for? Where did the discord happen that women shouldn’t have autonomy over their own bodies?
Is sex really so bad? Or does the notion of a woman being confident in her body and wanting pleasure that offends people into thinking a mother cannot be but one thing.
What are your thoughts?
Here’s a short list and description of some children’s books to read to your kids during black history month.
1. Little Leaders Bold Women in Black History by Vashti Harrison. It’s a book for kids a little older but Sage who is 3 likes looking at the illustrations and I just read her the woman’s name and occupation.
2. Hey Black Child by Useni Eugene Perkins. Such a motivational book for any black child.
3. Dancing in the Wings by Debbie Allen. A dream book for a little girl obsessed with ballets and dancing and dresses. Not to mention so much history in Debbie Allen’s accomplishments.
4. Ada Twist, Scientist by Andrea Beaty. Cutest illustrations with a big meaning and a funny story. Girls can be scientist. Little black girls can be scientists.
5. Lola at the Library by Anna McQuinn. A book to get your child excited about reading books.
6. A Night Out with Mama by Quvenzhane Wallis. This book would have been published by the author when she was 13 if that’s not a big enough feat to read this book to your children I don’t know what is.
In retrospect I also realized all these books are about AA women (I guess cause I have a daughter) but these are just some books we already had that showed African American representation. What books would you recommend for younger kids to start learning about African American History? Leave some comments for me on what you’re reading to your children this month.
Photos from Hey Black Child.
Photos from Ada Twist, Scientist.
Starting a series of posts where I highlight my favorite artists cause why not. Art is a big part of my life from poets, writers, music video producers, photographers, painters, music artists and more. I really want to just highlight some of the ones I think are pushing boundaries and make me feel and think.
First up is this amazing poet I found on poetry foundation.com (one of my favorite sites tbh) named Harmony Holiday. I’m going to link my favorite poems of hers in this post and also talk about some of my favorite lines and word mashups that she effortlessly delivers.
I know myself. Or so I chant in the mirror right around discovering that trap music is all the new negro spiritual / righteous delirium try to defund the clown in the en in negro say it a little less enter the New Yorker in Desdemona’s scarf and be this generative productive whistle blower for radicals/
This is an excerpt from Holiday’s Dear Babylon, that first line is really what stands out to me. Holiday writes these poems that themselves seem like rap lyrics the way they run on – the paragraphed structure of the poem the spaces the use of words that normally don’t fit together. Jumping from one subject to the next never knowing the next move or where she is going and being in awe of the truth and the hardness the strength in the words.
The mention of Desdemona from Othello. It’s just so effortless but calculated the movement from line to line.
From her poem Do you find it hard to live?
Thank yourself for making it for being present for the cold ache you sit with and rock into situations for the way you exploded in nuclear winter and thought you had dreamed it and made a new world bent as your denial reached forth to caress it all and it shocked your fingertips this is the bravest numbness.
This spoke to me in volumes it’s almost like everything I’ve been feeling put into words. It’s hard out here being soft around people who could careless about you- about black bodies about black women. The bravest numbness is living.
What I get from holiday is she’s cultured. She knows her stuff. She’s lived through some stuff too. She’s able to use pop culture and sport references and book references and tv references and it all works well together. She knows the struggle artists fight between feeling too much of everything but she’s able to put it into words and weave them through subjects.
Poems that I loved by Holiday are here:
Coin Coin, Run
She has a book of poems coming out this year tilted M a a f A so if you like any of her poems check this book out and her other books she’s published.
I did a sort of themed playlist for the month and it’s titled Funky February. I know it’s kinda cheesy but it got me listening to newer songs instead of just artists I’m familiar with. I actually really like this playlist. It’s fun and after how long and transformative January was I need fun. I’ve put it on so many times the past weeks and just had a solo dance party in my underwear. So, if you like r&b and want to listen to some new finds then check this playlist out. Funk 🌈⚡️🦄💃🏿🍄🍹☮️
There is a mini series that aired on HBO back in November-December called my brilliant friend. It is an Italian-American show that portrays a friendship and the struggles between two Italian girls in the 1950s. Honestly, one of the most beautifully acted anything I’ve ever watched. The two main characters Elena and Lila acted so beautifully I was entranced by both of them and not just their characters but their actual mannerisms and the dedication and thought they must’ve put into this show. The children Lila and Elena were only in the first 2 episodes but their performance was amazing truly.
The show made me cry. Shocked me. Made me angry. It was beautiful. I recommend everyone watching it if creative storytelling is something that interests you. I would say if physical abuse is a trigger for you don’t watch this. There was some violence especially father’s hitting their kids. Other than that the show is mainly about the retelling of the friendship by an adult Elena after she gets news that Lila is missing.
The setting for the show I know was an actual movie set to look like Naples in the 50s. I looked it up cause it honestly looked so much like Cuba now with the unpaved streets, the architecture, the old cars that I thought it might’ve been filmed in Cuba.
The inner struggles that Elena faces with competing with Lila. Feeling ugly because of her pimples and body issues are all things that girls really face. And the way it was represented on screen was perfect. I think every girl knows what it feels like to compare themselves to another girl (especially a friend). To feel inadequate to feel less than.
This show made me appreciative for all the things I don’t have to go through for being a girl and all the things I did go through for the same reason.
I liked how sure of herself that Lila was but I identified more with the emotions that Elena showed.
It did sadden me to see that Lila ended up married, rich and not studying or writing like she had wanted to as a child because that so easily had been my own story.
I’m not going to lie though the way Elena behaves in the show really annoyed me at times. I wanted her to stand up for herself to have a backbone to do what she wanted. But I know that can be hard at 15.
When I got to the end of the show and Elena was suddenly being pursued by Nino’s father I had a oh hell nah moment. It was not something I saw coming. But something I wanted to address in this review. With all the R’kelly things going on right now and from constant experiences of girls being prayed upon by older men it’s something that needs to be talked about out in the open so that it stops happening.
The very last episode and the ending of the show suggest there may be a part 2. If not the mini series is based off a book which I have been thinking about going to get to read.
The show is brilliant. I give it a 9/10 and if you’re interested even the slightest go watch it you won’t be disappointed.
Sage turned 3 last Friday. And I took her to children’s museum in Atlanta. Sage had fallen asleep in the car on the way there so when we first got to the museum she was a little overwhelmed so we went to the water fishing area first because there were less people in that section of the museum she had fun. Kept saying she was catching fish with her daddy. The other exhibits or sections of the museum is the kitchen a building/ball area, a jungle gym, painting station, Daniel the tiger section with houses and mail and stuff and a sand section.
There are also classes you can sign your kid up for but they go fast. We got to the museum later than I wanted to and the spots for the classes were already filled.
Sage wore a dress because that’s usually all she wants to wear anyway and even if we live in Georgia it’s still winter time. And she wanted to wear a crown so yes I was that extra parent for the day. She had a lot of fun there was a reading time of Daniel the tiger at like 2:30 but she didn’t want to sit for it.
The kitchen area is defiantly a Waffle House replica even if it doesn’t say so anywhere. That’s where most of the kids were and there was food everywhere I’m pretty sure it was Sage’s favorite section too. She kept making plates of food for her dad and myself and naming all the food or asking us what something was.
We stayed at the museum until close then went and got food. Sage picked this hot pink icing for cupcakes (which I forgot to get a photo of) she doesn’t really like cake and just ate the icing off a few.
My parents flew in to celebrate Sage’s birthday with her on Saturday and we went to yard house, a candy store downtown and to chuckie cheese. Next year for Sage’s birthday I hope she’ll have some friends from being in school (fingers crossed she starts this August) and I can actually throw her a birthday party.
Here’s some cute photos from her birthday and Saturday when we went to chuckie cheese.
It’s 2019 you guys and I always get all psyched at the start of a year. A lot of the songs on this playlist are emotionally charged. I actually really like music that has a lot of emotion but being such an emotional person hip hop is like the much needed distraction I need from my feels and thoughts. But it’s nice. It’s reflective which I think is needed at the end/beginning of a new year.
I had a new idea for the direction I want to take this blog back in December. I do want to continue to write about motherhood and things pertaining to it. However, I want to write less about spiritual things just cause I feel like I’ve been really wrapped up in my spirituality and defining it for the last couple of years and in some ways I feel a little disappointed by current events in my life and need to take a step back and reevaluate my spirituality.
So, this blog is about to turn to some of my other interests mainly music, art (in all forms TV, film, writing, painting, album reviews, movie reviews, restaurant reviews) and social issues that I’m very passionate about. There are going to be reviews on art shows and gallery openings going on in Atlanta. Part of this is to work on one of my goals which is my social life. As a mom I don’t have a huge social life and I want to get out more and meet more people and extend my tribe. So, the content might be changing a little but I hope you all will like the change.
I hope ya’ll like this new playlist and I hope everyone is planning out their goals and making changes to live the life they really want to love.
Art work from one of my favorites @serpentfire on Instagram.