Parenting Privately

Parenting Privately

I started this blog at first to be a motherhood blog. I was at a point where I wanted more community in that aspect of my life since I am the only one of my friends with a kid. However, shortly after I just realized that I don’t need to have my being a parent broadcasted (not that there’s anything wrong with that). For me it felt wrong and it felt forced where I was showing off my daughter to the world because I was seeing so many other mothers doing so on large platforms and they were able to find that community. Its weird but I needed to find that community and that sense of motherhood in myself first before trying to find it in other women. I know parenthood is lonely and no one really talks about how it can be lonely the first couple of months and years as you yourself are basically having to find yourself all over again.

Also since I went into parenting thinking I’d be raising my daughter together equally with her father and now that I consider myself a single mom things have changed again. And as a parent and even as an adult when changes happen its really about just allowing them to happen and not holding onto any idea of how things are supposed to be. I know for myself parenting privately is more intentional and personal for me. I care about my daughters well being before my own. People are still shocked when I tell them I have a kid even though she’s almost 4 its just not something I feel the need to share though I am aware with social media culture that people think if you ain’t sharing it that means its not happening.

Parenting privately has also given me the confidence to parent I know it sounds simple but no ones ready to have kids were all figuring this shit out. Parenthood just happens. Yeah, you can prepare for it but not really. Its also just given me a better appreciation for my own parents and just allowed me to be able to make mistakes. There’s no one to prove anything to.

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A little Prose

A little Prose

A couple of poems I’ve been working on. I write both prose and traditional (poetry with stanzas) but lately have been leaning towards prose so here’s a couple drafts. Trying to warm myself up again to sharing poetry. I would definitely like to take a couple workshops as I’m going back to school in the fall and getting my degree in writing.

Wind

Wind

July’s playlist I really worked on cause I’m going through some hard shit right now and in turn songs that are “surface” level I haven’t been in to. So, most of these songs I had to dig hard for they’re a little gritty and they all have some sort of lesson or something in them. I actually really enjoy this playlist its chill. Like driving down the highway on a not too hot day wind blowing kinda day. There’s some Mac Miller, Anderson. Paak, Frank Ocean. And then there’s a few 80’s r&b songs mixed in like Groove Theory. If you’re needing some chill feeling kind of vibes in your life check this one out.

Wind

Art Scene in Chicago

Art Scene in Chicago

Besides trying vegan food while I was in Chicago I went to two art museums and to a spoken word event. And I honestly fell in love with the artsy scene that is in Chicago.

The first art museum I went to was the MCA where I saw Virgil Abloh’s exhibit and also saw the prisoner of love exhibit that has a viewing of Arthur Jafa’s ” love is the message, the message is death” which was mind blowing, sad and motivating all in one. I cried multiple times and watched the film at least 5 times that day. It’s just really moving and I suggest everyone watch the film if they can (I’ll try and post a link of the video). It was motivating cause lately I’ve been really into black films and doing these videos myself as a visual for my monthly playlist. And just seeing the mashup of all these images that are both positive/negative dealing with black culture just solidified my wanting to continue making these little films.

The second art museum I went to was the Art Instivute of Chicago which always has the paintings of greats that I studied in art school and just seeing those paintings in person is moving in itself.

The spoken word event I went to was the red talk put on by red taps theatre. This event made me realize how much I love poetry and words even more than I was already aware. It also made me feel deeply it made me want to take writing seriously again and put in the time and commitment seeing so many black people perform and be okay in their selfness it was inspiring.

I would move to Chicago just for all the artsy things I’d be able to witness and experience and be apart of too. Already trying to figure out how to get back. Chicago truly is my happy place.

All photos from Virgil Abloh’s “Figures of Speech”

I can’t remember exactly what exhibits these photos were from but artists are (from first to last) Nicholas Africano, Deana Lawson, David Hammons and Ana Medieta.

Photos from The Art Institute:

tbh I rushed through this museum because for some reason we went on a Friday @2:30 I think it might’ve been later and the museum closed at 4. So I don’t remember every single artist from these photos. I know there’s a Dali, Rothko, Curin, Koons, but that’s all I remember.

I tried to upload a video from the spoken word event but the video I have won’t upload for some reason.

however here’s the flyer that was for the event.

Now I’m going to add in some links to stuff

Arthur Jafa:

Arthur Jafa Art News

Love is the message, the message is death

Red Table Theatre

Red Table

also thought these were cool.

Writers Block

Writers Block

I haven’t wrote a decent poem in 2 years. That’s real writers block. After I had my daughter I know for a fact my writers voice changed and instead of forcing myself to write or create I just chilled all the way out but would still feel instances of down emotions about not writing. I’m finally starting to feel little instances of words forming in my thoughts that string together into poetry. I haven’t written anything down. Nothing’s solid. But I can feel creativity and inspiration and my voice finally starting to creep back in. And it’s a good feeling. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to acknowledge it out of fear that it might go away. It was a tightly lodged feeling that I can feel deeply in my heart. But it’s here and I’m thinking (hoping) it’ll stay awhile. And something solid will come from it.

Until then here’s a lil sample of the poetry I used to write. Cause what I know will come from me now won’t exactly be the same.

Strawberry Playlist

Strawberry Playlist

Hey!

Here’s June’s playlist which is a very sexual one when I made it i must’ve been in a mood. Also I named the playlist Strawberry cause my birthday is the 17th and it’s the strawberry full moon. But I had fun with this playlist and even have a lil visual I’ll be posting tomorrow for it.

Here’s the link.

Strawberry 🍓