I haven’t wrote a decent poem in 2 years. That’s real writers block. After I had my daughter I know for a fact my writers voice changed and instead of forcing myself to write or create I just chilled all the way out but would still feel instances of down emotions about not writing. I’m finally starting to feel little instances of words forming in my thoughts that string together into poetry. I haven’t written anything down. Nothing’s solid. But I can feel creativity and inspiration and my voice finally starting to creep back in. And it’s a good feeling. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to acknowledge it out of fear that it might go away. It was a tightly lodged feeling that I can feel deeply in my heart. But it’s here and I’m thinking (hoping) it’ll stay awhile. And something solid will come from it.
Until then here’s a lil sample of the poetry I used to write. Cause what I know will come from me now won’t exactly be the same.
Here’s June’s playlist which is a very sexual one when I made it i must’ve been in a mood. Also I named the playlist Strawberry cause my birthday is the 17th and it’s the strawberry full moon. But I had fun with this playlist and even have a lil visual I’ll be posting tomorrow for it.
Here’s the link.
There’s been a lot of abortion talk the past couple days cause of these ridiculous heartbeat bills being passed at the state level. I don’t wanna preach about my views on the issue cause it shouldn’t even be an issue. However, I wanted to say my little piece about it and post some information some sites on abortions post my favorite internet things I’ve seen on the issue and that’s it.
So I like some women have a personal experience with abortion and a lot of this talk has brought up feelings and things I thought I had dealt with but I’ve been pretty angry and moody the past couple days and some of it I can say has come from all the abortion talk – which let me set the record straight I am so happy so many people are speaking up and sharing stories on the issue. There was a time right after I had an abortion where I felt immense shame for it like I had committed some unspeakable sin that I had to hide from people. But the experience like most experiences had an affect on me and it’s human nature to want to share things that change or you struggle with. The shame came from growing up Christian and if I still believed in Christianity like I used to my shame would probably still be here.
When I had my abortion I remember there was a woman sitting next to me where you wait in the hallway for your turn. You’ve been given pain medication already so your drugged up waiting in a hallway with other women who are all about to also have abortions. And I remember I was cold. Like shaking cold and the woman next to me asked a nurse if I could have a blanket. She then asked me if I had any kids I was 22 at the time and I know I looked younger than that when I said no she realized it was my first pregnancy. And she told me she was a mother of 2 but did not want another child nor could financially support a 3rd child. And I remember thinking this is a narrative I had never considered. I was just 22 and scared to have a baby.
The thing about abortion is that there’s all this stigma around it. There’s all this feeling and opinion and what is moral what is right or wrong. That women have abortions at a young age cause they’ve fucked up. Or that only poor women have abortions or only ethnic women have abortions. Whatever the case is what you’ve heard about abortions what you’ve thought about women who get abortions look like it’s probably false. Mothers have abortions, young girls have abortions, couples in love have abortions, older women have abortions, white women have abortions. Every type of woman has abortions.
I read this excerpt on ig earlier today about how the words pro-choice aren’t even really what people need to be using. It’s not about having the right to chose it’s about just having the right. It’s like just having access that’s it. It’s not about my body. It’s not about a heartbeat. It’s not about politics. It’s not about feelings. It’s not about religion. Abortion is a right. It’s not a choice. It’s a fucking right.
The first photo is a caption from @voluptouswitch on ig.
At the moment. I would consider underground artists as anyone who isn’t getting regular play on the radio (but honestly I don’t even listen to the radio that much so don’t quote me). So, lately I’ve been real into this type of r&b bad girl vibe feel like Summer Walker (she’s not on this list I don’t really consider her underground). But girls who sing about sex, drugs and whatever else and not just love. I don’t know being in my late 20’s and going through romantic relationships that whole love me and I can’t live without you thing doesn’t appeal to me. But maybe I’m just growing through a phase or realizing I don’t really need a man – probably a little bit of both. The other half of this list is my love for reggae type of music with 2 artists from Nigeria with that whole tropical vibe going on. These are the artists I’m digging right now and the songs I feel like you need to be familiar with from them.
- Iamddb: I’ve recently become obsessed with this singer and I love her smooth soulful voice but I love it more that she’s not singing about needing a mans love. She makes songs that give you confidence and hype you up. She calls her sound a fusion of trap and jazz. Listen to: shade, xox & urban jazz live.
- Ojerime: bad girl r&b tracks. Like late 90s early 2000s bad girl r&b vibes. Reminds me a little bit of Aaliyah. Just really in love with her sound. I like love songs that are a lil dirty. A lil gritty and that’s what you get with this artist. Listen to: turn you off, 56 plate corsa & handle.
- Santi: this Nigerian artist has all these summery chill vibes that I love. Roll your hips music. And honestly every time I hear a track it puts me in a better mood and I just want to get up and dance the bs away. Listen to: sparky, rapid fire, freaky. Also check out his new album that’s being released on May 17th.
- Dizzy Fae: She’s like electric pop/r&b. Idk but her sound is fun it’s experimental and different. And her raspy high voice over upbeat sounds is all I need on a hot humid summery afternoon. Her sound kind of reminds me of a soft 80s electric feel. Listen to: lifestyle, baby pillz, & indica.
- Odunsi: I’ve had one of his songs on a monthly playlist and have been infatuated with his music ever since. He’s another Nigerian artist and is apart of the alte scene out there which is for the youth doing new bold things in music and fashion. His sound is really a whole vibe and is perfect for relaxed chill summer nights. Listen to: tipsy, rare, & star signs.
Also here’s a little playlist with all the suggested songs from these artists.
May’s playlist is here. And it’s an intense – deep feeling one but that’s the mood I’ve been in lately.
Photography: Xuebing Du
Lately, I have been trying to figure out what drives me, what I’m passionate about, what I love and do as easily as breathing. I know I am a creative 1. Because I believe everyone is. Creativity is energy. And anyone and everyone can tap into it. And 2. Because I’ve created before I know I can again. I’ve kinda hit a rut, I guess. Ever since I’ve had my daughter creating seems like a struggle. It gives me anxiety. I procrastinate in doing it. It stresses me out I tell myself I don’t feel inspired and without that feeling whatever I do create won’t be that great. I think too much and then end up not creating at all. But sometimes there’s this fire in me that flickers a little and I know it’s still alive.
So, when I talked to one of my closest friends a couple weeks about what it is I wanna do with my life and what kinda impact I want to have. I started getting serious asking myself well what do I want to create and what do I want it to stand for and what do I want it to do for others and for myself. Cause creating really is a service.
And other than poetry and writing what is it that moves me. And it occurred to me that music moves me in ways that nothing else can. From a young age it’s been my thing. From singing in church choirs to singing in school chorus. Taking piano lessons and quitting it all. Music has always been the thing that moves my emotions and gets me feeling.
I remember being in high school feeling down about my looks not being secure in myself yet. I was so anti. I’d sit in my room after school everyday and listen to my radio. And I’d play Prince or Tupac my eyes closed and daydreaming. I’d fall asleep every night with my radio turned to v103s quit storm to keep the nightmares I’d have at bay (I’ve always had crazy vivid dreams that scared me that I’ve now learned to live with).
I guess what I’m trying to say is I think music is that thing for me I don’t know how or what to do with music. I know I don’t want to be a singer or rapper or performer. I take pride in these playlists I make every month. So, maybe something in that direction maybe making mixes. Maybe djing who knows honestly what I wanna do with my life changes so frequently (guess that’s the Gemini in me) something new always seems so exciting to me. But honestly music has always been with me.
I’m not sure what I mean to say here maybe nothing. But like if you know you’re destined for something and you’re unsure of what that something is this stage is okay too. Try a lot of shit out whatever interests you just try it and see what happens.