Diary #1

I had a planned blog post for today. It was going to be recipe for cabbage stir fry with all the veggies. But for reasons that post has been postponed. But because I want to hold myself accountable and stick to my schedule of posting every Monday I thought let me tackle some questions and thoughts that I have here to create dialogue in diary/journal posts. So, here’s my question for today.

Are we really defined by our things and not who we are? Or do our things that we own (clothes, where we live, our cars, our phones) do they measure success? Is there value greater than our own?

I think about this a lot. Mainly cause I’m in no position (yet) to afford a lot of things that people measure as forms of oh that persons successful or cool or worthy. Last year for the whole year basically I had an iPhone 4 yes an iPhone 4 I had a iPhone 5 but had broken it and didn’t want to pay for a new that would’ve been $500 because I wasn’t eligible for an upgrade. So, I opted not spend a whole lot of money on a phone because it wasn’t important to me. Instead I bought a refurbished iPhone 4 off amazon and that was that.

Having an iPhone 4 didn’t bother me but it seemed to bother other people. I went out a couple of times with friends and of course would pull out my phone to take pics to show them something whatever and on occasion this one friend would say things like you need a new phone. It’s not that my phone didn’t work it was cause it wasn’t the latest model.

So, this of course would make me feel some type of way like maybe I did need a new phone maybe I wasn’t cool enough cause I didn’t have an iPhone 6. (Or whatever this is just an example) But then I realized none of the things we have should really mean anything.

What is value? What is success?

Is it only measure by how much money I have in my bank account and if I have the latest and greatest thing. Is it the model and make of my car? Or a fancy apartment with a $1500 rent bill. Is it being able to afford things you want?

Of course I’m not saying that things are bad. I know we’re human and wants and desires are natural. But why is it so important?

Social media has turned value and success into showing off. And there’s a difference.

I don’t think owning things and having things is wrong. I just think it’s become a sense of status to have certain things and I’m not sure if I want to give value to things that much over people and relationships.

I don’t know. What are your thoughts on what success looks like to you? Does having certain things help you feel good about yourself/life? And why.

I think success will look different to everyone but I think it’s mainly a feeling not so much a surplus of things. Not a nice house not a fancy car. But being able to take car of yourself really take care of yourself. Your mental health your emotional health. To be able to pay your bills. Not struggle not be stressed about money.

It’s more of abundance of the spirit and not an abundance of things.

It’s the libra new moon today and I’ve just been thinking about my relationship to things and to “status” social media and what it means to me.

I hate that social media has become a popularity contest a numbers game. Aesthetics. For myself I just want it to simply be about connection. Connecting to others and sharing parts of myself and that’s it.

My Capricorn moon the past couple of months had me feeling upset. Sad, ungrateful, anxious for all the things I want. New clothes, jewelry, shoes. And not being able to afford these things. Overlooking that I have so much to be thankful for. I can pay my bills. I have an apartment. I have a healthy daughter. And if I continue there will be a break where I can really start to save money and afford some of the things I want. But if I can’t afford them now there’s no reason to feel negative feelings about that.

I’ve had to be really patient with myself and my feelings and figuring out why I felt so upset about not having the latest fashion or being able to buy those really cute boots I want. But looking at all I do have and saying I’m good where I’m at and being satisfied. Life is not about always chasing the next thing. I know with social media and instant gratification seeing how celebrities live that it can be daunting seeing all these things people show off but they are just things. I’m abundant. Maybe not by society standards (or even my own financial dreams) but I’m abundant in love and understanding and those things matter too.

And I’m ok. I’m more than okay.

Published by Samantha

I’m Samantha.

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