I’ve really wanted to start a dialogue of sorts here on my blog and on Instagram where mother’s can discuss certain topics that we all may go through or think through. The first one has to do with my recent vacation girls trip to Cuba. I know there’s a lot of stigma around mother’s having their own lives outside of their children. More often than not mother’s can be looked at as “bad moms” or as selfish in pursuing their own endeavors. Society can be hard on mother’s while also not trying to understand the many mental and emotional battles mother’s go through. Yes, I am a mother but I am also woman and girl. And those other titles have just as many responsibilities to self as mother has to my daughter. When a girl has her period she has her first lesson in what it means to not be in control of what the outside world thinks of her – her body and how she should feel. Well, who knew that this would only get more extreme when a woman becomes a mother.
It is way more acceptable for men to have a life outside of the home. Go out for drinks after work, go on business trips etc. But when a mother does these things its “how do you cope with being away from your children?” or its the judgment “oh, I could never leave my kids for that long”. I know having discussions about these issues isn’t going to make everyone agree or even everyone see these situations differently but I think its time the conversations about these things became more and more common.
I myself had these same judgements and questions come up when I decided to go on this trip to Cuba for a week for my friends birthday. Many family members asked me why I couldn’t shorten the trip. Or they made comments about do you think your daughter will be okay. This of course made me doubt if I should be going on the trip at all. And it did make me worry about my daughters well being even though she was going to be with her father and grandmother for the week. It is always I feel a struggle an inner one an emotional and mental one for me to ask others to take care of or watch Sage if I’m doing something that is personal for me and not time away for work. But I know this struggle is more so a society stigma that I have picked up on. Is a mother a bad mother for having a social life? Is a mother a bad mother for prioritizing a social life? Or time to herself? Is self-care extended to moms?
These are all questions I want to discuss and start a dialogue around. Leave comments or stories here. Leave tips or advice. Or talk about your own struggles with this topic. I want to continue this discussion on my Instagram as well. @motherandspirit_
I look forward to interacting with you all on this topic!